okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
what is it with giant penises always finding me
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
