he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
