Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
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