areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
