I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
