And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
farters have to be the big spoon...
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
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