I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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