Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
