I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
