Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
