The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
