i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
This is classic penis vs brain.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
