Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
