so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
