we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
