he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
