I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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