He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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