yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
