see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
