Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
