after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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