we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
