what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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