Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
