I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
