I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
