I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
