Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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