he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
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