dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
