Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Randomize
