Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
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You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
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sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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