Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I'm eating all of the evidence.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
