i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
