i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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