Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
