Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
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