i don't like sucking hair
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
