the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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