we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
