I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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