Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
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