happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Randomize
