i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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