girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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