im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
