hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
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I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
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At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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