It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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