Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
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