I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
