she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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