so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
