I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Randomize
