if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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