i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
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About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
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All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
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