He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
