Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?