What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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