batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
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No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
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I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.