everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
