I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
