I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize