I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
