you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
