I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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