i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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