Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
can u get pink eye on your cock?
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
