What a fucking waste of an outfit
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
