He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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