one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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