Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Randomize
