So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
