I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
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