I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
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You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize