So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Randomize
