Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize