he told me I talked like a deaf person
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
