Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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