mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
