Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
