I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
