I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
