tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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