It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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